IS YOUR CHURCH FRIENDLY....REALLY?
My wife and I recently relocated to a new community and have joined a new church. We visited about ten churches (some multiple times) before making our decision. The friendliness of the church, or lack thereof, did make an impact on our impression of each church. One thing that they all had in common is that they believe that they are friendly. As a matter of fact, I have found this to be true of every church. But they are not all friendly. I have never had someone tell me that they attended an unfriendly church. Many times the members think they are a friendly church because they are friendly to one another.
Does friendliness really matter? The scripture does not use the word "friendly," but often speaks of "hospitality." That is to be "welcoming." Welcoming to who. James, Chapter 2, demonstrates this by exhorting the way that the early churches were to receive strangers. Let me invite you to watch a sermon I preached on this text and subject a few years back. Here is the link. https://vimeo.com/302921816?fl=pl&fe=vl
We did actually attend a church where no one spoke to us at all. Interestingly, the sermon was one of the best I had heard in a long time. But we had no interest in returning because we did not feel welcomed. Does this congregation believe they are friendly? They do, and I know because I have engaged with members of their church and staff over the years. Does your church have a "Guest Services" Team (by this or any other name) where a group of people at tasked with developing systems to make sure that guests feel welcomed? Does the pastor lovingly remind the congregation from time to time about the importance of "every member" being welcoming? While this article is not a comprehensive look at how to develop a welcoming environment, let me share three things that don't really work although churches thinks these things make them friendly.
Ushers or Greeters at the entrance(s). Yes. You should have greeters at each entrance and it does help. But a guest does not gauge friendliness on their interaction with that person.
A "Fellowship Hymn." Do you know what I am talking about? It is where a song is played as the congregation is instructed to go around and greet one another. It is okay to do this, but you should know that it is very awkward for the guest. I have seen these go on for several minutes and the buzz as the members greet one another gives them the impression they are friendly. For the guest, this is no measure of hospitality at all. In addition, the conversation is very limited.
Members introducing themselves to guests. They should....and it does help. However, teach your congregation that guests do not judge friendliness by a simple introduction. There needs to be interaction...conversation...genuine interest. A good step for the member is to invite the guest for lunch or coffee apart from the time at worship. This is the way that friendships are made and connections occur.
Asking guests to stand and introduce themselves. When you do this, you are embarrassing the guest who leans toward introversion or someone who simply wants to be "under the radar." While some of the previous practices are okay in and of themselves, I strongly advise against this one. This practice in no way makes your congregation seem friendly.
Be friendly. Teach your congregation to be friendly. Be welcoming but never smothering. Be friendly by engaging in conversation with as many people as possible each week, but particularly to the guest or the person near you that you do not know. Purposefully connect to those you interact with at a time separate from the worship experience. May God use this to help in drawing more to hear and respond to the gospel!
